Benny Blanco had a clear vision of his future wife — and he had a list to prove it. The 38-year-old music producer recently opened up about the thoughtful process he used to find his “ideal partner” before his relationship with Selena Gomez blossomed into romance.
Appearing on The Mel Robbins Podcast on September 3, 2026, the Grammy-nominated songwriter revealed the No. 1 quality he was looking for in a partner, along with the therapeutic process that helped him clarify exactly what he wanted in a life partner.
What Benny Blanco Was Looking for in an Ideal Partner
Blanco explained that he had been struggling to find the right person. “I said, ‘I really wanna find the right partner, and I’m doing something wrong. I can’t find the person that I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with, and I want to do that,'” he told host Mel Robbins.
Working with his therapist, Blanco created a list of qualities he wanted in his future partner. “The first thing on my list was age-appropriate,” said Blanco, noting that “you have to be very honest with yourself.”
The Qualities Benny Blanco Wanted in a Partner
Blanco’s list prioritized character over superficial traits. “The second thing on my list was someone who’s nice. Nice, caring, compassionate, like someone who’s a nice person,” he revealed.
For the third quality, Blanco “wanted someone who woke up generally happy” and who took active steps to care for their mental health. “If they were sad, they were doing something about it. Like they were going to therapy, they were taking medicine if they need to, they were doing yoga. They were actively trying to [change things],” he said.
Blanco emphasized that his list focused on broad, meaningful qualities rather than superficial preferences. “These were like broad things, and if it didn’t meet those like first five or six things, [I] couldn’t even pursue,” he explained.
When Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez’s Relationship Became Romantic
Blanco and Gomez first worked together in 2015 on her Revival album, collaborating on tracks including “Same Old Love” and “Kill ‘Em with Kindness.” They continued working together over the years, collaborating on songs like “Trust Nobody” and “I Can’t Get Enough.”
While they had known each other professionally for years, their romantic relationship began in mid-2023. The couple kept their relationship private for “about eight or nine months” before Gomez hard-launched it on Instagram in December 2023.
Blanco revealed that Gomez, who has lived with intense public scrutiny for most of her life, gave him a way out before they went public. “And she asked me, ‘Are you sure you want to do this? I understand if you want us to just be friends.’ And then I said, ‘You know what? Screw it,'” Blanco recalled.
From Friends and Collaborators to a Couple
The pair’s professional collaborations spanned years before their relationship turned romantic. When Gomez posted a photo dump from her 31st birthday party in July 2023 featuring Blanco, it sparked dating rumors. By December 2023, the couple was openly confirming their relationship.
One of the key factors in their evolving relationship was Blanco’s mother, who seemed to see a future with Gomez long before the producer himself did. “2019, I’m shooting a video with Selena. I’m dating someone else, ok?” Blanco recalled. “My mom’s on the video shoot and she says, she’s just sitting there, she’s like, ‘Hon, you should marry Selena.'”
“My mom planted the seed,” confirmed Blanco. “She was like, ‘She’s got her head on her shoulders.’ She was like, ‘She’s so sweet, she’s this and that.'”
Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco’s Engagement
The couple announced their engagement on December 11, 2024, with Gomez sharing photos of her ring on Instagram with the caption “Forever begins now.” They tied the knot on September 27, 2025, at a ceremony in Santa Barbara, California.
Why Benny Blanco’s ‘Ideal Partner’ Comments Stand Out Now
Blanco’s earlier list of qualities now offers interesting context for understanding his relationship with Gomez. The producer found someone who is kind, compassionate, age-appropriate, and emotionally self-aware — qualities he had consciously prioritized before meeting her.
Blanco has described Gomez as his “best friend” and confirmed that his mother was right all along. “Everyone says you always marry your best friend. That’s how it works. And she’s my f**king best friend,” he said.
What Benny Blanco Has Said About Selena Gomez
Blanco has been open about how his relationship with Gomez has changed his life. In an interview with El País, he acknowledged that dating someone as high-profile as Gomez comes with challenges. “It’s not something I love. It affects my life a lot. It’s a necessary evil, a price I’m willing to pay in exchange for the things I get because of it,” he said.
He also shared insights into their dynamic as collaborators, noting that they don’t clash when working together. “We don’t have those kinds of fights. I would never raise my voice to her. If something doesn’t sit right with us, she might say, ‘I don’t like that!’ And I’ll say, ‘Okay.’ And then we try something else,” he explained.
Benny Blanco Made a List With Help From His Therapist
Blanco has discussed the list-making process on multiple occasions. On the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast, he explained that he reached a turning point in his early thirties. “I was like okay — it’s time to be a grown up, I want to start a life, I want to have a family, I want to find a person that is like my other half that makes me feel better and I make them feel better. It’s a give and take, the perfect yin and yang, so I wrote down a list.”
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What was Benny Blanco looking for in an ideal partner?
Benny Blanco was looking for someone who was age-appropriate, kind and compassionate, and genuinely happy. He also wanted someone who actively worked on their mental health through therapy, medication, or other practices.
2. What did Benny Blanco say about Selena Gomez?
Blanco has called Gomez his “best friend” and has praised her for being sweet and having “her head on her shoulders.” He has also described their collaborative dynamic as respectful and without conflict.
3. When did Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez start dating?
The couple began dating in mid-2023 but kept their relationship private for about eight to nine months before going public in December 2023.
4. When did Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez get engaged?
The couple announced their engagement on December 11, 2024.
5. When did Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez get married?
Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez were married on September 27, 2025, in Santa Barbara, California.
6. Who is Benny Blanco?
Benny Blanco is a Grammy-nominated music producer and songwriter who has worked with artists including Rihanna, Justin Bieber, and Selena Gomez.
7. Who is Selena Gomez?
Selena Gomez is a singer, actress, and entrepreneur known for her music career, her role in Only Murders in the Building, and her cosmetics brand Rare Beauty.
8. How did Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez meet?
Blanco and Gomez first collaborated musically in 2015 on Gomez’s Revival album.