The phrase sounds absurd on its face: women stealing men’s salads to get dates. But that is exactly the conversation that has consumed social media in recent weeks, sparking a broader debate about the state of the NYC dating scene.
The discussion began with a TikTok video from creator Nicole Or, who goes by @nicoleeorrr, describing what she said was a new tactic some women in New York City are using to meet men. According to Or, women go to Midtown Manhattan lunch spots and “accidentally” take the salad orders belonging to men who work in finance. They then use the names on the orders to find the men on LinkedIn and message them directly, apologizing for the mix-up and offering to buy them a replacement meal.
The video, posted in September 2026, has received more than 617,000 views and 2,200 comments. Or’s message to men was blunt: “Men, just please step up or . . . your lunch is gonna get taken every week.”
But what does this actually mean? And what does it say about dating in New York City?
What Does “Stealing Men’s Salads” Actually Mean?
Let us be clear from the start: “Stealing men’s salads” is not a literal trend. It is a humorous phrase describing a creative—some might say questionable—dating tactic that one TikTok creator claims she has observed or heard about in New York City.
According to Or’s account, the tactic works like this: a woman enters a Midtown lunch spot during the workweek and takes a pre-ordered salad that belongs to a man—particularly men who work in finance. She then uses the name attached to the order to search for the man on LinkedIn. Once she finds him, she messages him with an apology, explaining that she accidentally grabbed his salad and offering to buy him a new one.
The goal is to turn the apology into a conversation, and potentially a date.
Or acknowledged that the tactic is clever, but framed it as a symptom of a larger problem: men in New York are not approaching women, leaving women to resort to increasingly creative methods to make romantic connections.
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify Or’s claims or determine how commonly these approaches are actually used in New York City.
Why This NYC Dating Comment Went Viral
The video caught attention for several reasons.
The unusual phrasing. “Stealing men’s salads” is an inherently absurd and memorable image. It combines the mundane—a lunch order—with the transgressive—theft—in a way that is hard to ignore.
The relatability of the frustration. Even if the specific tactic is unusual, the underlying complaint—that dating in New York is difficult and that traditional approaches are not working—resonated with many viewers.
The gender dynamics. The video touched on a sensitive topic: who is responsible for initiating romantic contact. Or’s direct address to men—”please step up”—invited debate from both sides.
The comment section reflected this tension. Some commenters criticized the salad tactic as inappropriate, with one writing, “The Salad thing is called STALKING.” Another commenter offered a different perspective: “But have you been a man in NYC who tries to talk to a girl at a bar? I’ve had several conversations with friends who say they just stopped trying because they are treated SO poorly if they try to respectfully talk to a girl at a bar.”
Is Dating in NYC Really That Difficult?
This is where the viral anecdote meets broader data—and the picture is mixed.
On one hand, New York has often been ranked as a challenging city for dating. A 2025 study by FetishFinder ranked New York as the worst city in the United States for finding a partner, citing factors including high cost of living, low rates of active dating, and a competitive romantic market. A Time Out survey that year found that only 26% of New York residents thought it was easy to find a relationship in the city.
The cost factor is significant. A 2026 study from Brigham Young University’s Wheatley Institute and the Institute for Family Studies, titled “The Dating Recession,” found that young adults aged 22 to 35 in New York are going on fewer dates than previous generations, largely because of financial constraints. A dinner costing $130, a cocktail at $20, and a movie ticket at $28 add up quickly in a city where rent alone strains most budgets.
But there is another side to the story. A 2026 study by the dating app Agilis ranked New York as the most “romantic” city in America, based on Google search volume for love-related terms like “romantic getaway,” “date spots,” “proposal locations,” and “romantic restaurants.” New York residents searched for these terms at a rate of 212 per 100,000 people—the highest among 30 major U.S. cities.
The contradiction is telling. New Yorkers may be thinking about romance more than anyone else, even as they report finding it difficult to achieve.
Why Dating Apps Have Changed the NYC Dating Scene
Much of the frustration expressed in the viral video and its comments points back to dating apps—and the ways they have reshaped how people meet.
Dating apps offer an enormous pool of potential matches, which can be both a benefit and a burden. One dating expert described the “illusion of abundance” created by apps: the persistent feeling that if you swipe for five more minutes, you might find someone better. This can make it difficult to commit to any single connection.
For many users, the experience becomes a cycle of matching, chatting, ghosting, and starting over. A 2025 Forbes Health survey found that 79% of Gen Z dating app users reported experiencing burnout, citing ghosting, repetitive conversations, emotional fatigue, and a lack of meaningful connection.
One expert argued that dating apps are “designed to fail” in the sense that their business model depends on keeping users engaged rather than helping them find a partner and leave the platform.
The “Effort” Debate in Modern Dating
Beneath the salad joke lies a more serious question: who is supposed to make the effort in dating, and what does that effort look like?
The viral video implicitly criticized men for not approaching women—for not making the first move in person. But the comments revealed that many men feel they cannot approach women without facing hostility or rejection.
One commenter described the dilemma succinctly: “Half of TikTok is ‘I hate when men approach me’ and the other half is ‘why don’t men approach anymore.'”
This is not a new tension, but it has been intensified by changing social norms. Traditional dating scripts—where men initiate and women respond—are no longer universally accepted, but they have not been fully replaced by a new set of clear expectations.
Why Food Has Become Part of Dating Culture
The salad reference also opens a conversation about the role of food and money in dating.
Food has always been central to dating rituals. Dinner dates, coffee dates, drinks at a bar—these are the standard formats for getting to know someone. But they also carry economic weight, particularly in an expensive city like New York.
The question of who pays on a first date remains contested. A 2025 survey by the dating platform Aisle found that 53% of Indian women preferred to split the bill on a first date, while 42% of men still believed they should pay the entire bill. While that survey focused on India, the tension it reflects is global.
Etiquette experts and daters often point to a simple principle: the person who asks for the date should offer to pay, unless both parties agree otherwise in advance. But in practice, the moment the check arrives can be fraught with unspoken expectations.
NYC Dating Culture vs. Traditional Dating Rules
The salad debate is, in part, a debate about how dating norms have changed.
Traditional expectations typically involved clearly defined roles: one person (usually the man) initiates, plans, and pays for a formal date. Courtship followed a recognizable script.
Modern dating is more flexible but also more ambiguous. Anyone can ask anyone out. Roles are less defined. Expenses may be split, alternated, or covered by whoever did the asking. First dates are often casual—coffee, a drink, a walk—rather than elaborate dinners.
Neither system is inherently better. Traditional norms offered clarity but also constrained people within rigid roles. Modern norms offer freedom but can leave people uncertain about what is expected of them.
Why Singles Feel Frustrated With Dating Right Now
The frustrations expressed in the viral video and its comments are not unique to New York, nor are they new. But they reflect a particular moment in dating culture.
Common themes include ghosting (disappearing without explanation), inconsistent communication, dating fatigue, and difficulty finding compatible partners. Many people report feeling that the effort required to date does not match the results.
These experiences vary widely from person to person. What one dater finds frustrating, another may find manageable or even enjoyable. The key is to avoid generalizing from individual experiences—including viral ones—to entire populations.
The Gender Debate Behind the Viral Salad Comment
Dating conversations frequently become framed as men versus women: who should pay, who should initiate, who should text first, who should make more effort. The salad video invited exactly this kind of framing.
But the reality is more nuanced. Healthy dating relationships generally involve mutual expectations and communication rather than rigid universal rules. What works for one pair of people may not work for another.
The most productive conversations about dating focus not on assigning blame to one gender, but on understanding the structural and cultural factors that make connection difficult—and on finding ways to navigate them.
Is the NYC Dating Scene Actually Different?
New York has some distinctive characteristics that shape its dating environment.
The city has an enormous population of singles, which theoretically increases the pool of potential partners. But large numbers can also create choice overload and make it harder to commit.
The pace of life is fast. Long work hours, commutes, and social obligations leave limited time for dating. The high cost of living adds financial pressure to every social interaction.
New York also has a dense concentration of dating app users, which means the dynamics of app-based dating are particularly pronounced.
But other large cities share many of these characteristics. London, Los Angeles, and Chicago all have reputations for difficult dating scenes. The specific texture of New York dating may be unique, but the underlying challenges are widespread.
What the “Salad” Debate Says About Modern Dating
The real story here is not about salad. It is about expectations, effort, and the ways people try to connect in a culture that makes connection feel both more possible and more elusive than ever.
The viral video succeeded because it captured a feeling many people share: that the standard ways of meeting people are not working, and that something needs to change.
Whether that change involves men approaching women more often, women feeling more comfortable initiating, or a broader shift in how people use dating apps, the conversation is worth having. The salad joke is just the entry point.
How to Make Dating in NYC Less Complicated
If you are dating in New York—or anywhere—here are some practical suggestions that can help reduce friction and confusion.
1. Be clear about your intentions. If you are looking for a relationship, say so. If you are looking for something casual, say so. Ambiguity creates frustration.
2. Communicate expectations around dates. Who is paying? What kind of date is this? A brief conversation beforehand can prevent awkwardness later.
3. Do not assume traditional gender roles. The person who asks can pay, or you can split the bill. Neither approach is wrong, but assumptions can lead to misunderstandings.
4. Choose affordable first-date activities. Coffee, a walk in the park, or a drink at a casual bar can be just as effective as an expensive dinner—and less stressful for both people.
5. Do not judge someone’s interest solely by who pays. Financial decisions on a first date do not always reflect emotional interest.
6. Respect boundaries. If someone is not interested, accept it gracefully. If you are not interested, communicate that clearly.
7. Avoid treating every date as a test. Dating is about getting to know someone, not evaluating them against a checklist of rules.
8. Give people reasonable expectations. No one is perfect. Compatibility is about finding someone whose imperfections you can live with.
9. Do not generalize from one bad experience. One disappointing date does not mean everyone in the city is undateable.
10. Focus on compatibility rather than dating “rules.” The best relationships are built on mutual respect and communication, not adherence to arbitrary guidelines.
What Singles Can Learn From the Viral NYC Dating Debate
One person’s viral dating complaint cannot describe an entire city’s dating culture. But viral discussions can reveal genuine questions that many people are grappling with.
The salad video touched on real issues: the difficulty of meeting people in person, the frustration of dating apps, the uncertainty about who should make the first move, and the economic pressures that shape modern dating.
These are not problems that can be solved by stealing a salad. But they are worth talking about—and worth approaching with honesty, humor, and a willingness to communicate.
NYC Dating Scene — What We Actually Know
- What went viral: A TikTok video from creator Nicole Or (@nicoleeorrr) describing a tactic where women allegedly steal men’s salad orders and use the names to find them on LinkedIn.
- Who said it: Nicole Or, a TikTok creator. The Daily Dot could not independently verify her claims.
- Context: Or presented the tactic as a symptom of a dating scene where men are not approaching women, leaving women to find creative workarounds.
- What it means: “Stealing men’s salads” is a humorous phrase describing a dating tactic, not evidence of a literal trend.
- Broader issue: The video sparked discussion about modern dating expectations, gender roles, dating apps, and the challenges of meeting people in New York.
- What is not proven: That women in NYC generally behave this way, or that the salad tactic is widespread. The original video does not establish how common these approaches are.
- Bottom line: One viral anecdote is not a citywide statistic. But it does reflect real frustrations that many daters share.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does “stealing men’s salads” mean?
“Stealing men’s salads” is a humorous phrase describing a dating tactic that TikTok creator Nicole Or claims some women in New York are using. According to Or, women take men’s pre-ordered salads from Midtown lunch spots, use the names on the orders to find the men on LinkedIn, and message them with an apology—hoping to start a conversation that leads to a date.
Why is the NYC dating scene being discussed?
A TikTok video from Nicole Or describing the salad tactic went viral in September 2026, receiving over 617,000 views. The video prompted debate about dating in New York, including questions about who should initiate, how dating apps have changed the landscape, and why meeting people in person has become more difficult.
Is dating in New York City really difficult?
It depends on who you ask. Some studies have ranked New York as a challenging city for dating, citing high costs and a competitive romantic market. But other research shows New Yorkers search for love-related topics more than residents of any other major U.S. city. The experience varies widely from person to person.
Why do people complain about dating apps in NYC?
Common frustrations include ghosting, messaging fatigue, choice overload, and the difficulty of moving from an online match to an actual date. Some experts argue that dating apps are designed to keep users engaged rather than help them find lasting relationships.
Who should pay on a first date?
There is no universal rule. Etiquette experts often suggest that the person who asks for the date should offer to pay, unless both parties agree to split in advance. Many modern daters prefer to split the bill or alternate. The key is clear communication.
Are traditional dating rules changing?
Yes. Traditional dating scripts—where men initiate and pay, and women respond—are no longer universally followed. Modern dating is more flexible, with anyone able to ask anyone out and expenses often shared. But the transition has created ambiguity that many daters find frustrating.
Why did the salad comment go viral?
The unusual phrasing—”stealing men’s salads”—made the video memorable. But the underlying frustration about dating in New York resonated with many viewers, sparking debate about gender roles, dating apps, and modern relationship expectations.
What can singles learn from the NYC dating debate?
One viral anecdote does not represent an entire city’s dating culture. But the discussion highlights real questions about expectations, effort, communication, and the structural challenges of dating in a large, expensive city. Honest communication and realistic expectations can help.